Love Letters - 24 (This makes it 25 letters!)

It would be wrong not to think of you at all. For all the little moments of joy, for all the little smiles that lingered, for all the little secrets we had tucked away...it would be wrong not to think of you at all. But, how easy it is not to think of you today. Once it was impossible, but now it is so easy. Now, you are just an occasional passing thought, now you are just a bitter angry thought, now I do not know you at all.

Now, just now...we almost have no memories. Not because we didn't make any, but because I do not want to remember the time. We have nothing in common now. No little sparks flitting about us, when we cross each other. Not because they disappeared to anywhere at all, and not because they were never there. But, because I, I do not allow them to emanate. I no longer will.

And, it isn't because of time, or it isn't because I never loved. No, it isn't even because now I am cold, and angry, and without a heart. It is only because now, it must not be.

You and me, we had our time. We had our days that stretched out like little bubbles in an ocean of happiness. We had our days that were difficult like a yacht upon troubled waters. And, we had our days we were forlorn like the shore awaiting the ocean. We had our time. And, we had our chance.

When you think of me then, my love, remember I did once love. Remember, I did once fight. For our love. And, remember it was true. Remember, my love, when I said forever, I meant it. And when I said I care, I still do today. But know that you walked away.
Even in the moments I pushed, even in the times I prodded... you never stopped, you didn't turn around.

And, today as we have faded into everyday life, and I have found other dreams...I want you to know that. I want you to know that I gave us a chance. You would remember me by that, wouldn't you?


[ Wow, 25 may seem so small, but to me it is immense. I'd have never thought I'd get here. Thank you for so many comments, and all the good and bad things you say! Much love.More Love Letters Here ]

Love Letters - 23

You must know by now, how easily the rains take me to a faraway place. Little drops build big dreams in my world. And, in my big dreams, I imagine I am a song. Your song. The song that makes you do a jig every single time you listen to it. The song that sets you off to a faraway place. With words strung together that make you think, dream and hope. The song that reminds you to smile. Always.

And, then sometimes, I imagine I am a piece of writing from your favourite book. Words that linger, long after you have read them. Words that stay with you through worlds old, and new. I imagine I am a fairytale, the one you read when you were young, many years ago. I imagine, to you, I am that lovely little tale of love, and happiness. I imagine I remind you, of your childhood. Of your innocence. Of a life so banal, it is without fear. Perhaps, I am like that castle, always there. Like that gingerbread house, always divine. Of that flawless background score, flowing so perfectly in and out of your life.

Other times, I imagine I your shuffling feet, as they pick up speed. I imagine I am the thrill, you know only when you are running, the joy you only know when your mind is free. Or, perhaps I am the day you wear so comfortably, the night you sleep in peace. The promise you know you will keep. The anger that fades quickly away, the insecurity that withers away.

I imagine, we are the like moments people cherish. We are like gawking teenagers at a fantastical amusement park, like starry-eyed children at a toy store, like adults in a moment of unadulterated success. And, as I float out of my far away place, I smile at how easily the rains fool me. How easily they make-believe me.

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Love Letters - 22

Where have you withered away to I wonder, as I move slowly to this wordless song that has stealthily taken over the night. Where are you now, when you must be here? Watching me, if not with me? Where are your little dreams taking you, or have they died, quietly? Without even telling me? Oh, I do long for you under this moonlit sky.

I long not for these familiar faces about me. They are laughing, and attempting to make me smile...but my heart is not in it's place. My heart too has withered away, to the distant land where you belong. I drown my sorrows in worldly revelry. But, I do not like it my love. Oh my love, my charming all-weather soul friend, I do not like it.

I imagine you here now. Your soft breath humming forever into my ear. Your sing-song words putting melody into this night air's song. And, then just like you once were, this little dream is snatched away from me. As quickly as you came, you are gone. And, no I cannot cry. I cannot lose hope. I cannot fall, cannot falter, and cannot let the world see through my eyes.

When they look at me with those fallen eyes, I know they know. But, I cannot think of them now. I can think only of you. I can think only of our fearless love, our intimate eye games. Only you knew the secret thoughts in my head. I long so much to reach out to you my love. But, each time, you slip away like an illusion that never was.

And, I live on with a melancholy settled so deep within...so deep within my soul.

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Love Letters - 21

We play a game of hide and seek. You hide. And, I seek. Foolishly, I count time until you are tucked away, nowhere to be seen. I then begin to hunt for you, looking for a little help along the way. Eventually, I find you. The happiness is ephemeral. It is time we play another game of hide. And, seek.


We are tired of our familiar game. We sit down to a round of Scrabble. You place your words. And, I counter yours. Our wretched word play goes on for hours. You plot and think and play cleverly. I shoot impulsively, and sometimes beat your score. The scales even. And, then you win. We both lie spent, after three hours lost.


We no longer want to sit still and play. We switch to catch-and-cook. Merrily, often childishly we run about. You chase me, and then I run after you. We’re out of breath, both at once. Our eyes meet, and then we walk slowly, ending the game.


We now play teenage games like Truth and Dare. You are brutally honest. And, I wouldn’t dare. Wouldn’t dare to tell you, I love you. Wouldn’t dare to fight for ‘us.’ Wouldn’t dare to ask you to another game, of another kind.

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Love Letters-20

As I sit here, I wonder where I found this silence. I wonder when my heart turned so still. So still, it had lost the will. So still, it found no words. So still, it would no longer fight. So still, it would no longer leap, and jump, and throb and seek. So still, so quiet.

As my mind wanders, my thoughts drift. I think back at when I learned to love. And why, and how, and why ever not? I think back at the magnificient red bus I climbed on to one summer morning. I knew then, I was in love. I think back at the dingy little restaurant, we first met at. The night I wondered, how immense is this love.

Now, I wonder why. Now, I wonder why my little heart leaped, my mind ticked, and time allowed love. I wonder why my heart burst into noisy chatter, so soon, so suddenly. Why, it could never pause to reason. And, most of all I wonder why it turned so quiet, so still.

Because, when I sit here, my heart longs to whistle. To talk, and write, and love, and anger, and loathe. But, it sits so quietly...so afraid to say too much, so unsure of saying so little.

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