Pause: Of Love

The other night I was watching a wonderful, simple and hilariously silly play, Perch's 'Moonshine and SkyToffee.' Somewhere along the way, the cynical bride-to-be's father hung on to love, and the fool it makes of us all. Love is a silly thing, he said. And, I smiled. Me, writer of all-too-intimate love-letters, me lover of love itself, me wobbly-kneed-dreamy-eyed romantic, smiled. Endearing, I thought. And, true too. Love is a silly thing. Indeed.

Ephemerally, my mind slipped over to the fool love makes of us all. And, I began then to think of a long time ago when we drew hearts on crush cards, and dawdled names on ruled paper. Then, my greatest fear was handing over the card, without being find out. Crumpling the ruled paper, before my friends got to it. Then, love was so simple.

Now, I began to think of beginnings, and of endings. In love, and in life too, I wonder if we are more concerned with beginnings, and with endings. Than with the all important middle. For the middle is where the turmoil is, the joy is, the learning is. The beginnings, and ends are definite. And, met with acceptance.

Of course, I couldn't entirely lose my heart to love. For indeed, the year seems much too long, without love. And, so much shorter, and out of breath, and beautiful with love.

To me now, love is a series of anonymous love letters, not one of which fully fathom the truth of love. It is a verse, I share with everyone I know. The verse goes: "Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres." To me, love is a series of misunderstandings, and complications I hear over phone calls, and all-night-long conversations. It is a smile, I see, on a blessed few.

But, most of all, it is an unending well in all of us. That allows us to smile through our tears, to smile despite our fears. To lend a helping hand. And, to share a shoulder too. It would seem as if 2009 has deepened that well. For me.

[Pause is an ongoing series of reflections by writers come together to capture people, places and moments from the year 2009. Pause ends on 31st December, 2009]