Monday Musings - 27

This Monday, I am thankful that I am a writer. I am thankful that as writers, we are allowed to weave traces of ourselves, our hurts, and our joys into words. Little bits left around for the world, and ourselves. To read, and then re-read again in later times. For we are all the same. You and me, we feel the same pain, attempt to erase the same hurts, and are delirious with the same joy. I would like to believe that my pain is lesser, or perhaps, on a good day, my happiness is more. But, truth is we are all the same...our loves, our wants, our suffering.

But then again, I think, that writers, we need courage. And, sometimes I wonder if I will ever find it. Will I ever find the courage to tell you my deepest secrets? To put in words my tiniest fears? And, carve on paper my gravest hurts, just as they happen. I do not know. Or, perhaps I already do.

And, so maybe I want to write today, about the young girl who lost her mother. Her eyes are forlorn. About the look in a fathers' eyes, when he is angry. About the music man I was enchanted by when I was nineteen. About the time, I left a gang of pig-tailed school girls, for a world of farcical delights. It broke my heart. About the time I resented a dear friend, for who he really is. But, we seldom choose our friends, do we? And, we seldom bare our hearts.

Even as I writer, I attempt to cloak my sincerest feelings into distant words, sometimes. Just sometimes, when I am wary of what the world will know, and what the world will think. People are kind, but not too often. People are nice, but they never can share your pain. This Monday, I am thankful for those who share the moment, however.

For as the year rolls on, and time plays out...I keep learning life is never easy. And, yet we have a chance to find our joy. Like the joy I can remember from seeing my very first piece in print, at seventeen. I recollect, I ended the article with C'est la Vie. To me then, it seemed a fitting way to embark on what would hopefully be a long, fulfilling journey. It seemed so wise then.

Today, many years later...it still feels wise. It still seems as if what goes around, comes around. And, what will be, will be. Perhaps, it's a little easier to take life in, with that line, I think. C'est la vie...I wish I could put into words how it sounds.

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